BRANDON, Fla. — In December of 2021, Keisha Wheeler suddenly became a widow when her husband, Patrick, a beloved pastor in the community, passed away. Her seven children also lost their dad.
“They all miss their daddy. I mean, he was an exceptional human and an outstanding father. And I think for me as a mom, I miss him for me. I miss my best friend. But, man, he loved being a dad, and they miss that,” said Keisha. “When you lose someone, people stop talking about them. I'm so used to hearing my kids run to the front door, scream ‘daddy’, with all their might. They don't say it anymore because he's not here.”
Keisha did not know how to heal herself or help her kids through this devastating loss. But she realized they all needed others around them to process their grief.
“The thing about it is that we heal in community. As soon as you hear and sense that any other person knows a semblance of this pain, you start to heal piece by piece,” said Keisha.
That’s when she created Hand in Hand Brandon. It’s a free grief support group for all ages because Keisha believes no one should grieve alone.
“What I didn't expect is for part of my mission to become an advocate for grief because so many people in so many pockets are dealing with it, but nobody's talking about it,” explained Keisha.
The grief support group meets twice a month at a local church in Brandon, led by mental health advocates in the community.
“We weren't meant to live this life as an island. We need to come together, and we're here to give you the tools that you need,” said Aileen Noall, a volunteer of the nonprofit.
Noall is a close friend of Keisha and her late husband. She began volunteering on day one, and the experience helped her personally as well after losing her own dad that same year.
“We may not have the same grief in terms of the person, but grief is going to be there for the rest of our lives. So why not have the tools to learn how to get through life?” explained Noall.
After eating dinner, each age group splits up to talk about the special person they’ve lost, even the youngest ones.
“When they come here and they're sitting at a table and they're doing their Play-Doh, and one of them starts out and says, you know, my daddy used to sing the silliest songs. And then another six-year-old says, ‘I miss my daddy playing Barbies with me.’ Witnessing that kind of community. A little piece of you heals,” explained Keisha.
“Growing up, we didn't talk about it. We didn't talk about death. We didn't talk about emotions. We just swept everything under the rug,” said Jasmine Cohen.
Cohen lost her husband to a kidney disorder, and with three young children, she truly didn’t know how to move forward without her partner.
“A little after he passed away, I was desperate, desperate to find information. I didn't know how to grieve with three children. I don't know what grief was,” explained Cohen.
That’s when she and her kids found Hand in Hand Brandon.
“The tools that my children have received this year and a half that we've been here have allowed them to face that giant of grief. And we, as a family, have overcome a lot,” said Jasmine.
“I know a lot of people here now that I don't feel left out. And I like that I get to see people that have been through the same thing as me,” said Zoe.
Zoe is Jasmine’s 10-year-old daughter. She’s grateful to meet other kids with similar experiences.
“We just talk about stuff that we wouldn't really talk about somewhere that, like school or somewhere, so it's like a safe spot. And I like the rules that we listen and we don't judge,” said Zoe.
Zoe’s mom feels beyond grateful as well.
“I don't know how I would have done it without Hand in Hand. I really don't,” said Jasmine.
“My father, Richard Lazarra. He died because he had, like, a really bad brain disease,” said Demarcus Anthony Lazarra.
Thirteen-year-old Lazarra lost his dad several months ago, and he really struggled right after his passing.
“I started feeling sad. I didn't want to go to school. I started walking myself away. I wanted to be alone,” said Lazarra.
But after joining the grief support group, he’s in a much better place now.
“We're all feeling grief. So, they can understand, like, a community, or a bit where everybody can understand each other in a small way,” Lazarra.
For anyone blaming themselves for the death of a loved one, Keisha says, please remember this.
“You did nothing. You just are human. You are loved. And this is a part of our story, and we hate it, but we have community, and you're not alone,” explained Keisha.
Hand in Hand grief support group serves families with children ages 3 to 18. The group meets twice a month at St. Andrew’s United Methodist Church at 3315 S. Bryan Road in Brandon.
To learn more, you can email intake@handinhandbrandon.org.
